


of exams and stress and hormones

by ladyofrebellion



Category: Villains Series - V. E. Schwab
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Plug, Bathroom Sex, Come Eating, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Hand Jobs, Jealousy, Kissing, M/M, Mirror Sex, Name-Calling, Pet Names, Porn with Feelings, Praise Kink, Public Sex, Rimming, Semi-Public Sex, angie has a girlfriend, but like come one eli ever was a drug dealer so, drugs are mentioned, i guess, unspoken feelings because they're fucking idiots, victor vale is demisexual here
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:20:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26673574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyofrebellion/pseuds/ladyofrebellion
Summary: Not only was he contemplating having sex with someone for the first time, not only was it with a man, it was with Eli fucking Cardale.The only person Victor knew he couldn’t compete with, couldn’t outwit.
Relationships: Eli Cardale | Eli Ever/Victor Vale
Comments: 16
Kudos: 65





	1. Chapter 1

Victor finished his third energy drink and threw it in the bin. It bounced off and clattered in the kitchen floor, just feet away from the living room carpet. Victor squinted at it vindictively but decided he had no time to spare on keeping the house clean when they were just two days away from their most important exam.

Eli snorted, sitting beside him in the couch. There was a seat between them, Victor made sure of it. He had no time for distractions, and Eli Cardale was proving to be a problematic one. For starters, they were roommates, so there was no way of escaping. Unless Victor paid for a room somewhere and, although he was fond of wasting his parent’s money, he found out he couldn’t concentrate quite as well in those cream and pastel coloured hotel rooms.

Nothing to do with Eli’s presence being reassuring and calming. Not at all. Victor’s mind was just used to their routine, not yet catching up with the fact that Victor was trying very fucking hard not to think about the college’s golden boy.

“You should take a break, Vic,” Eli said. His eyebrows furrowed looking at Victor’s shaky hand.

Victor himself wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to decipher what it said in the morning. Nevermind, it was just a sample test, the important thing is that he knew the answer then. Or rather, he _did_ two minutes ago when he wrote it. Now the thoughts that had seemed so clear in his mind seemed to elude him.

“I need to get this right,” he said dismissively.

“Vic, come on, you’re top of class,” Eli leaned towards him in the couch, knee dipping in the buffer seat between them.

Victor squinted at the offending leg. Eli was wearing flannel pyjama shorts, which Victor resented because what would have been a horrid choice of clothes for anyone else, was weirdly _adorable_ on Eli. Victor shook his head and rubbed his eyes.

It was technically true, what Eli said. He was the best student in this specific class, which in turn reminded him how he came second to Eli in almost every other class. He couldn’t afford to slip up. He couldn’t afford to let Eli get to him even more.

It wasn’t just the academic ordeal of being always second best (he tried not to think about how he never seemed to be good enough, not for his parents, not for Angie, not for— _Stop_ ), it was the fact that Eli seemed to live in his mind these days, lounging and loitering and not giving Victor a chance to ignore him. Like cheap drugs.

Victor was no stranger to obsessing over this thing or the other, but this was different. Thoughts of Eli holding his wrists and whispering in his ear. Eli’s fingertips caressing the tender skin of his forearms and mouthing and the base of his neck.

Victor had never entertained sexual fantasies. Never understood what the fuss was all about. He had gone through his youth and part of his adulthood without a single sexual thought, more wondering how other people found appealing in the experience. Which made this sudden turn rather tragic. Not only was he contemplating having sex with someone for the first time, not only was it with a man, it was with Eli fucking Cardale.

The only person Victor knew he couldn’t compete with, couldn’t outwit.

Somewhere in the middle of his wandering thoughts, his eyes had fixed again on Eli’s leg. His ridiculous flannel shorts let his strong thighs exposed and Victor could clearly see the defined muscles. Like a classical sculpture.

Victor groaned internally and closed his eyes. It was the sleep deprivation talking, nothing more. Maybe Eli was right, maybe he needed a break. Well, fuck that, he wasn’t giving him the satisfaction. He knew his limits, he was used to taking care of himself.

“Shut up, Cardale.”

Eli’s jaw set. Victor didn’t know why he hated his last name so much, but it was precious information and Victor liked to use it against him whenever Eli struck a nerve.

Victor went back to the sample exam but saw that his gel pen had left a wavy line crossing the page. _Ugh_.

“No,” Eli said firmly.

Victor scoffed a turned his head, just to be left without words at Eli’s dark gaze. All his attention focused on him. Victor shivered involuntarily. Eli cocked his head and moved further into the buffer seat. Victor swallowed at how the flannel shorts rode up his thighs to show more skin.

_Breathe in, breath out, Vale. For fuck’s sake._

With Eli kneeling on the couch and his arm resting on the back of it, he was leaning over Victor. There was a glint in his eyes. Victor’s mouth felt dry all of a sudden. He couldn’t help but to look up, his eyes roaming his friend’s face: chiselled jaw, he wouldn’t say he had a baby face but his cheeks were just round enough to be definitely boyish and they transformed into deep dimples when he smiled. But it was the eyes that got him, and those ridiculous, soft curls. Victor let out a tiny sigh.

“What’s going on?” Eli asked.

Victor looked away.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“Yes, you do. You’ve been avoiding me all week.”

And there was something there, something Victor didn’t let himself think of as hurt.

“You ditch me all the time,” Victor said, exhausted enough that it came out defeated instead of angry. “How is this different?”

“I don’t—”

“Yes, you fucking do,” he said, with way more bite than he intended to.

Eli kept looking at him, as is considering what he should say next. Victor was desperate to have a seat between them again. The paper on his lap seemed uncharacteristically bright and Victor’s eyes began to hurt.

“Fuck,” Victor said, almost forgetting Eli’s stare. “I need Adderall.”

He started to get up but Eli put his splayed hand on his chest and pushed him back on the sofa, the warmth of it seeping through Victor’s cotton shirt. He frowned at Eli, ready to tell him a couple of things, but he beat him to it.

“Are you crazy?” Eli said, almost amazed. “Your caffeine levels must already be off the roof, no fucking way you’re taking that shit right now.”

Victor thought it was rich, coming from Eli, who was one of Lockland’s drug dealers.

“You tell that to all your clients?”

Eli’s hand flexed against his chest.

“Get _off_ me.”

Victor pushed Eli with both hands. He must have taken him by surprise, because he practically flew to the other end of the couch, eyes bulging. There was a second when they just stared at each other in shock. And then Eli pounced onto Victor, pinning him to the couch.

They were both breathing heavily for some reason, and Victor was bent the wrong way underneath Eli, his left hip being poked by the springs on the old couch. Victor felt a traitorous warm feeling growing in his belly when his eyes met Eli’s.

“You’re going to stop this,” Eli said through gritted teeth. “ _Now_.”

Victor melted underneath him. His muscles relaxed, the fight left him completely. Later, Victor would blame the sleepless nights and the energy drinks, the coffee, and even that expired protein bar he had lifted from Eli’s cupboard. He realized just then that Eli was grabbing both of his wrists, absentmindedly caressing the soft skin on the inside of Victor’s wrist. He whimpered.

Eli’s eyes, which had been looking at a point around Victor’s shoulder, snapped back to his face. He looked like a predator smelling blood. Victor had to fight back another whimper, hoping the heat he felt on his cheeks wasn’t him blushing like a motherfucking maiden. Victor looked at the ceiling and let out an indignant huff. _Fuck this_ , he thought, _fuck_ _Eli_.

He was going to say as much, but Eli lined up their bodies and let out a hum in Victor’s right ear. Victor heard the chocked sound that left his own mouth and was at once overwhelmed by how embarrassing the situation was and how fucking much he craved it.

He didn’t doubt for a minute that Eli noticed how he was growing hard against his rock-hard thigh, or how his breaths came out ragged and shallow. Eli’s fingers tightened around his wrists and Victor gasped, almost in shock at how much he liked it. He’d grown to mistrust the things he liked the most.

“Eli,” he said.

He didn’t know if he meant it as a warning or a plea. It hanged in the air between them like a promise unkept, thorny and dangerous. But Eli just closed the little space left between them to mouth at Victor’s neck. He had imagined it so many times, lain awake at night wondering what it would take for Eli to go that far. Apparently, not that much.

Eli sucked Victor’s skin in between his teeth and grinded, oh so slowly, against him.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Victor moaned, arching his neck so Eli could explore more.

Eli’s hand released his left wrist and went to Victor’s hip, slipping underneath the cotton shirt. Victor choked on a whine at the contact, free hand going to Eli’s hair and grabbing it in a fist. His body seemed to tremble all over, and Victor wasn’t completely sure if it was because of Eli or because his systems were crashing after weeks of bad habits and stress. Either way, Eli seemed to like it.

His hand caressed Victor’s stomach. His fingers played with his ribs, like a playful kid touching the keys of a piano for the first time. Something intoxicating bloomed in Victor’s chest. He felt light and his mind was fuzzy. Eli nosed at his neck and kissed him just behind his ear.

“Please,” Victor whispered, not really sure of what he was asking for.

Eli raised his head and looked at him straight. Their noses were touching, and Victor childishly hoped that his eyes weren’t crossing. Before Eli could speak, Victor kissed him. It wasn’t very sophisticated or long, just lips pressing, but that fluttery thing in Victor’s stomach made up a storm inside him. He yanked at Eli’s hair and met his eyes with more confidence this time, daring him to backtrack. Eli looked… unfocused. Pupils blown and hair messy from Victor’s yanking. His eyes kept going from Victor’s neck to his lips and, finally to his eyes again.

Victor could feel Eli dick through their pyjamas, hot and hard and apparently _big_. Victor raised his hips and saw how Eli sucked in a breath, meeting his thrusts without breaking eye contact.

“Is this what you want, Vic?” Eli asked, making Victor squirm.

But he’d be damned if he backed down from a challenge.

“Yes.”

Eli smirked. It was one of those precious moments where Victor could see the monster underneath Eli’s skin, sharp and cruel and starved.

“Suck a pretty boy,” Eli said, fingers playing with one of Victor’s nipples. He pinched it hard, making Victor yelp.

“Fuck you.”

“Oh, no,” Eli sounded unhinged. “ _I’ll_ fuck you.”

A without a warning he leaned back, his absence leaving Victor feeling unbalanced before he grabbed him by the shirt and forced him into his lap. Now it was Eli’s turn to look at Victor, posing a challenge. _Fuck that_ , Victor thought, and pressed their dicks together. This time Eli was prepared and just met him halfway, his hands moving past the hem of Victor’s pyjama pants.

“You’re not wearing underwear,” Eli pointed, bemused.

“Shut up.”

Eli’s hands squeezed his ass and Victor felt suddenly desperate. There were too many clothes between them, Eli wasn’t touching him enough, they were going too slowly. Victor’s hands started tugging at Eli’s ridiculous shorts. Victor bowed to try and rip them so he wouldn’t wear them anymore.

“You’re this desperate for my cock?” Eli chuckled against his ear, biting his earlobe when Victor shivered at his words. “You’re a little slut, aren’t you, Vic?”

Victor whined and grinded more quickly.

“You gonna come in your pants like a fucking virgin?” Eli asked, and Victor felt his predatory smile when Victor hesitated. “Is that it? The pretty boy never fucked?”

Victor buried his face on Eli’s neck, not giving him the satisfaction of seeing the red on his cheeks.

“Can’t be for lack of partners,” Eli said, and his right hand travelled south inside Victor’s pants. “Everyone looks at you in those tailored pants. You like that, don’t you? Giving them just enough to jerk off at night, but never letting anyone touch.”

Eli’s middle finger traced Victor’s entrance.

“Shit,” Victor moaned, mouth open against Eli’s neck.

“Tell me what you want.”

“What?” Victor asked, indignant.

“Come on, be a good little slut,” Eli said, the tip of his finger threatening to get past the brim. “Tell what you want.”

Victor grabbed Eli’s hair so tightly that he heard the other grunt.

“I want your fingers inside me,” he spit out. “ _Now_.”

“Bossy,” Eli said with a laugh, and pushed his finger in.

It wasn’t gentle or slow. Victor was sure he was, in some way, being punished but he couldn’t find it in himself to care. He moved a little in Eli’s lap, trying to get used to the foreign sensation. Eli moved his finger round Victor’s walls, trying to make room. Victor sucked and Eli’s neck hungrily, alternating between grinding his dick against his and pushing his ass to get Eli’s finger deeper inside him.

Victor’s right hand finally snaked into those shorts and squeezed Eli’s dick, not having much room for movement. Eli squeezed his ass and lifted his hips. Victor took the offer and yanked at the flannel short until they where at Eli’s knees. Eli spread his ass and pushed a second finger in, making Victor grunt. He was pretty sure this shouldn’t be done without some kind of lubricant.

“Shhh,” Eli shushed. “So good for me, taking two fingers dry.”

He rubbed his nose against Victor’s and bit his lower lip. Victor was sure he wouldn’t be able to sit without some sort of ache in the next days, and he discovered he loved that.

Victor wrapped his hand around Eli, who guided him through the motions with his free hand. Eli didn’t take his eyes away from Victor once. Not when Victor quickened his strokes, not when Eli’s fingers started spreading inside him, not when he brushed Victor’s prostate and Victor sobbed.

He pushed relentlessly against the spot, watching Victor lose his grip on his sanity, marvelling at the tears gathering at the corners of Victor’s eyes.

“Eli,” Victor pleaded. “ _Eli_.”

“Yes?”

“Touch me,” Victor said, desperately. “Just _touch me_.”

“No.”

Eli thrust more forcefully against Victor’s prostate, making him wail. The sobs where now constant and soft, the sensitivity making it hard for Victor to find pleasure enough to cum.

“On my fingers,” Eli rasped. “Or not at all.”

Victor shuddered and his body seemed to go slack, not having the strength to keep being tense. Eli rubbed his hand against Victor lower back but kept the unforgiving onslaught of his fingers. Victor’s hand had never stopped stroking Eli, but it was hard to focus on anything not getting off.

“Shhh, it’s okay,” Eli said. “Let’s get you off and then you can suck me.”

Victor choked in surprise.

“You can swallow my cum like a good little slut,” Eli kissed his temple. “You haven’t eaten much, must be starving.”

Suddenly, it was difficult to breathe, picturing what Eli said. Being fed on his knees like a bitch. He imagined Eli petting his hair while Victor did his best to suck. He wondered whether he would tell him how good he was doing or if he would grab his hair and fuck into his throat.

He wasn’t sure which option was the most appealing.

Victor hummed in between sobs and hugged Eli’s neck with his arms, ready to take whatever was necessary to finish. With each thrust of Eli’s fingers, a little sound escaped Victor. He made sure that his mouth was against Eli’s ear. _If he wants a show_ , Victor thought, _let’s fucking give it to him_.

Victor opened his mouth and let himself be as loud as he wanted, the shivers going through his body making every sound waver and break. Eli’s arm held his waist tight, his dick rubbing at Victor’s stomach. Victor could feel his climax build up, slow but inevitable, like standing at the edge of a chasm and knowing you had to jump.

Eli kept talking to him, a mix of sweet nothings and filth.

“Now we know what you’re really good for,” Eli said. “Fuck, you’d probably blow up on the internet. You’d like that? Being in one of those porn sites, knowing the whole fucking world is getting of to those slut sounds?”

The thought filled Victor with both dread and sick elation.

“Wait till I can fuck you,” Eli said. “Split you open on my cock a fill you to the brim. You’ll be so fucking full I’ll have to help you clean up.” Eli bit his earlobe and brushed his lips against the shell of his ear. “I could take pictures. You, gaping and spilling all over the sheets, my cum running down those thighs.”

Victor’s moan was loud enough that he feared the neighbours would be talking in the morning.

“You like that, huh? You fucking whore.” Eli’s arm let go of his waist and Eli smacked his ass with so much force that Victor knew it was already crimson.

Victor let out a wounded wound, lost in the pain and the build-up.

“I could scoop some of it with my fingers and make you suck,” Eli said, going all in with the fantasy. “Bet we could make it your favourite meal, make sure you don’t go one day without your special treat.”

“Fuck, Eli.” Victor grabbed any part of Eli he could. “ _Fuck_.”

“Soon you’ll be begging to suck me off.”

Eli spanked him again. Victor was fully crying, he needed to finish, he needed to breath. He needed to get on his knees.

“Maybe I’ll just put a plug of you and make you walk around all filled up.” Eli whispered. “Make you talk to the teachers and my friends knowing there’s still a part of me inside you.”

Victor was seized by a series of shocks before he spilled in his pants with a broken sob. Eli rubbed his back a rocked him a bit while he recovered, Victor’s sobs subsiding until he only sighed every other minute.

Eli kept him there, in the circle on his arms with his head tucked in Victor’s neck, peppering kisses.

“So good for me, Vic,” he said, extracting his fingers slowly. “So beautiful. You did so good, my pretty boy.”

Eli nuzzled Victor’s ear, whispering.

“Can you go on for me a little more?” Eli asked. “I know you’re tired. But I’d love for you to stay a bit more. Can you do that for me?”

He brushed the hair out of Victor’s eyes and kissed his temple. A completely new Eli before his eyes, just when Victor had been sure he’d seen every secret he guarded, every mask he put on. He was so surprised that he remained silent for too long.

“It’s okay, I’ll get you to bed and clean you up.”

Eli was already gathering Victor in his arms, ready to go, when Victor’s brain caught up.

“No,” he said, his voice firmer that he would have expected. “I want to suck you off.”

“You sure?”

“Yes.”

He slid off he couch, grimacing at the ache between his legs. That was going to be a problem in the morning. He levelled his face with Eli’s dick, which was still fully hard. He licked from the base to the tip, testing how it felt. Victor decided he was ambivalent about it, although Eli’s gaze told him Eli was anything but.

He started slow, as Eli instructed. First the head, swirling his tongue here and there, sucking his cheeks in. Eli’s hand was on his head, not pushing, just there. Every now and then he would comb his fingers through Victor’s locks and caress his cheekbone with his thumb.

“Beautiful,” Eli said, before grunting at one of Victor’s tongue movements.

It wasn’t particularly pleasant, and Victor was sure he wasn’t doing the best of jobs, but Eli kept telling him how good he was doing and how pretty he looked while doing it. Victor decided that what he lacked in technique could be excused with enthusiasm.

Eli’s breaths grew shallow and his grip on Victor’s hair tighter. His eyes were so dark that Victor was convinced they’d always been black. Their eyes never strayed, connected in that staring contest that no one would win.

Eli shut his eyes close and spilled inside Victor’s mouth, making him cough.

Eli’s fingers were still stroking his hair when he pulled him back in his lap, this time sat on it, his side against Eli’s chest, instead of straddling him.

“Let’s clean up and rest,” Eli said, hand rubbing Victors thigh.

“Alright,” Victor said, eyes drooping.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not beta read :/ it's 3am so 
> 
> thank you to everyone in the evervale gc :) ily all

Victor speed walked through the hallways, not once looking over his shoulder at the piercing eyes he felt on his back. He was sure Eli wouldn’t let it go. Not after this being the third time Victor avoided getting paired with him in a project that week. He had been paying for a room in a small hotel near Lockland.

The day after they had sex, Victor woke up alone and with a heavy heart. There was a glass of water on his bedside table and a couple of ibuprofen. There was no one else in the apartment. It wouldn’t—shouldn’t—have bothered him, but the images of what they had done on the couch were still fresh in Victor’s mind and left an uneasy feeling in his stomach now, a bitter aftertaste.

He heard someone calling for him, someone he didn’t know. Victor turned around and was met with Luke, from Biomechanics. A very muscular redhead who Victor desperately turned to last Monday to be paired with in a project. Apparently, he had lucked into working with a genius. Or so his professor had said.

“Luchas, right?” Victor asked.

“Just Luke,” he smiled. “Only my mother calls me that.”

Victor raised his eyebrows but kept silent. It took Luke a couple of seconds to react.

“Right, so,” Luke carded his finger through his hair, looking between Victor’s unphased expression and somewhere over his shoulder. “I was wondering if we could meet this afternoon for the project.”

“Ah,” Victor said.

He was surprised, really. His experience with geniuses throughout his life had left him with the impression that they usually left things for the end, being very sure about themselves and their ability to bullshit their way through life. It was the first time one had wanted to start as soon as possible.

“Of course,” Victor added. “Where shall we meet?”

“Oh,” Luke said, as if he hadn’t expected him to say yes. “Maybe the library? Or we could go to my place and do as much work as we can, you can stay for dinner.”

Victor frowned, but before he could comment on it, he saw Eli a few feet away. He was watching them with such intensity that Victor felt a shiver go down his spine. He remembered all too well how those eyes had watched intently as Victor came undone and sobbed and cried out. He slapped himself mentally and turned to Luke, who had kept talking.

“So, I think it’d be best if we went to my house after class and just worked on the project at a good pace.”

Victor saw Eli change his weight from one foot to the other over Luke’s shoulder. Waiting for his chance to trap Victor. _Good luck with that, Cardale._

“Why don’t you walk me to class,” Victor told Luke. “And we can work the details.”

Luke seemed to _beam_ before him, almost making Victor retract his offer.

“Great,” Luke said. “I’ve been trying to work up the courage to talk to you, you know?”

They started walking, leaving Eli behind. Victor felt a vindictive fist clenching around his stomach, not really sure if it was because of Eli’s dark expression or because, although he wanted Eli to suffer, leaving him behind felt more like a punishment set upon himself.

“Oh?” he asked Luke, distractedly.

“Well, everyone says you’re this…unapproachable genius,” Luke blushed when he said this.

“I’ve heard you’re a genius yourself,” Victor offered, in a strange moment of kindness.

“Oh,” Luke said, turning a darker shade of red.

Victor smirked, the fist in his stomach loosening his grip when realization hit him. The redhead had a thing for him. If there was a thing Victor adored, it was being appreciated.

He tried not to think about how he could still feel those eyes boring holes on his back, or how that ache in his gut had come back with more force.

Victor was pleasantly surprised. Luke’s work ethic, which was neither frantic nor detached. He managed to make it feel like a personal goal to get the work done and their pace was reasonable. He also cooked risotto from scratch for Victor and brought out a rosé for their relaxed dinner on the couch.

They were talking about the texts they thought would be necessary for their bibliography when Victor received a message.

“Excuse me,” he said, fishing out his phone.

“Sure.”

He frowned when he saw it was from Angie. It wasn’t a strange occurrence, but it was stranger than it had been a couple of years ago, when they’d both been each other’s rock in the chaos of Lockland. A heavy feeling perched on Victor’s chest at the thought. The opened the text.

_Wanna meet up for milkshakes?_

Victor smiled in spite of himself and typed back:

_Aren’t you on a date with Lucy?_

Lucy, a psychology major, was a very sweet and brilliant girl that Angie met at a party a little after breaking up with Eli due to “communication issues”. It had been followed by a month of dragging Victor to parties and emergency milkshake hangouts because Angie was panicking about her sexuality.

In the end, poor Lucy had bitten the bullet and asked her out. Angie had never looked so happy. They both dragged Victor to a diner and thanked him for putting up with their bullshit (which he appreciated) and proceeded to make googly eyes at each other and holding hands beneath the table (which Victor appreciated slightly less).

_She misses you too!!_

Victor would never understand how someone he barely knew would request his presence, but Angie wasn’t one for lying.

_I can’t. Working on a project._

_:( we could pick you up from the library?_

The insistence was strange. Angie wasn’t one to push, always giving Victor space to breathe and manoeuvre, but he reminded himself that it had been too long since they last saw each other, even if Eli and Angie were still good friends.

_We’re working at Luke’s, sorry._

He received another message, but he put the phone back into his pocket and turned to Luke, who had been patiently silent throughout the whole exchange. Luke was looking at him with determination, an air of purpose about him.

“Can I ask you something?” Luke said.

“You just did.” Victor leaned back on the couch and raised an eyebrow. After a moment he gestured with his hand for Luke to continue.

“Are you seeing someone?”

Victor cocked his head, taken aback. It had been a long time since anyone had dared to ask him about his love life (or lack thereof). He wondered if Luke had heard the rumours around campus, about Victor being made of ice and turning the very few who approached him down.

He thought about Eli, his thick, brown curls and those rich brown eyes looking right through Victor. His smirk when he drew lewd noises out of him and his muscles flexing underneath Victor’s fingers.

“No,” Victor said, almost breathless.

He remembered all too well the sick feeling in his chest when he discovered Eli had fled, not only Victor’s bed, but the apartment. He clearly recalled thinking that if this was what other people felt like on a daily basis, he wanted none of it.

“Good,” Luke said, looking relieved.

“Good why, Luchas?” Victor asked, defensive.

An irrational fear that Luke had seen through his carefully built façade and knew what mess Eli had made of him seizing him.

Luke sputtered, catching Victor’s bitterness.

“I just…” Luke gestured between him and Victor.

“What.”

“I wanted to ask you out,” Luke said, somewhat desperately.

_Huh_.

“I see,” Victor said, going through all their interactions in his head.

“If you want, I mean,” Luke added hastily, as if weren’t already implied.

Victor studied him carefully, sure enough that he wouldn’t want to have any sexual experience with the man, no matter how attractive he may be. He feared he was wired strangely, only able to react at Eli’s command. Like a sick joke from the universe. But he hadn’t always been interested in Eli, either.

“Why don’t we finish the project and get to know each other a bit?” Victor supposed that was reasonable enough, and it would give him time to sort himself out. Maybe he was capable of looking at somebody else like he did Eli.

“Sure!” Luke said, looking relieved. “Of course, that’s a great idea.”

They finished their wine and Luke saw him to the door, offering to drive Victor home. He declined and waved him goodbye, it wasn’t a long walk to Victor’s hotel. It wasn’t until he was in the beige room that he checked his phone and saw Angie’s last text message:

_Come with us to the party on Friday, then!!!_

And, maybe it was because of the wine, or maybe the feeling of homesickness that came with thoughts of Angie that he texted back _Okay_.

The party was awful, all deafening music and drugs and sticky floors pooling with alcohol. Angie and Lucky where sucking each other’s tongues, and someone almost spilled their drink on Victor’s black polo. Overall, a complete waste of time.

He pinched the bridge of his nose and decided that he needed more vodka to survive the night.

He made his way to the kitchen and poured himself a drink with the abandon of someone who didn’t care in his throat burned for a week. Sipping the drink, he started walking towards the living room wall he’d left the girls sucking face. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw they were talking and laughing with Eli.

Eli, who was wearing jeans and a cotton shirt and made them look designer. Who gave his best smiles to his ex and her new girlfriend. Who turned around and locked eyes with Victor after Angie pointed at him. Victor turned swiftly to the corridor and stomped down the hall, determined to hide somewhere peaceful until Angie started worrying and texted him.

He entered a bedroom (mercifully empty) and looked around for the bathroom, drink still in hand. Victor switched on the bathroom lights and put the cup down on the sink, huffing out an annoyed breath. He knew this was going to be a bad idea. When had Eli missed a party?

Careless, that’s what it was. Maybe Victor’s mind was betraying him, setting him up for failure because he desperately wanted to have him close.

He was about to reach for the plastic cup and down the whole thing when he heard the bedroom door open. In a flash of fear, he dashed for the bathroom door to close it, but Eli’s incredibly powerful hands stopped Victor’s attempt.

In his haste, Victor had knocked the cup down and vodka was now spilling on the floor where he landed after Eli’s push. They stayed like that, Victor sprawled on the floor and with his slacks soaking up the vodka, and Eli standing over him like a god of marble.

There was rage in Eli’s eyes, but it dimmed when he saw Victor’s state. Eli frowned and offered a hand. Victor knocked it out of his way and stood up, baring his teeth.

“Fuck off, Cardale.”

Eli clenched his jaw, nostrils flaring. There was a dangerous twinkle in his eyes before he closed the bathroom door and leaned back on it.

“Where have you been these past weeks?” Eli managed through his teeth.

“What is it to you?”

They stared at each other again, looking for a tear in the other’s armour.

“I was worried,” Eli said, and Victor could have sworn there was sadness in his tone.

Victor knew better now than to trust in anything related to Eli.

“That’s rich,” Victor leered.

“Where have you _been_?”

Victor scoffed. He was unbelievable. He left him there like an old toy and now he demanded answers. Victor panicked at the lump in his throat, he wasn’t going to be weak in front of that asshole.

“You got what you wanted, now leave me the _fuck_ alone.”

A deep feeling crossed Eli’s face, too sudden and gone too soon for Victor to understand. Eli swallowed and clenched his fists, looking at Victor’s chest.

“So that’s what this is about.”

“What?” Victor asked, blood ringing in his ears.

“You’re mad because I left,” Eli said, resting more of his weight on the door.

“Let me out, Eli.”

Eli shook his head and straightened up, taking a step towards Victor.

“Vic.”

“Let me _out_.”

Eli took another step closer, caging Victor against the bathtub.

“I wasn’t sure you cared,” Eli said, almost a whisper.

Victor looked up at the words, meeting Eli’s brown eyes. They remained silent for a couple of seconds. Eli reached out and grabbed Victor’s waist, pulling him to his chest.

“What are you doing?” Victor said, trying to focus on his rage and not the feeling of Eli’s body against his, his warmth seeping through the polo and making Victor’s heart race.

“I’ve been thinking about this since you left,” Eli said, cheek to cheek, whispering in Victor’s ear.

“ _You_ left,” Victor bit out.

“I know.”

Eli rested his chin on Victor shoulder, the embrace almost affectionate, had it not been for the hands curling around Victor’s hips and sliding down his ass. It felt weird, with the wet fabric already clinging to Victor’s body. Victor trembled when Eli’s hands cupped his ass and squeezed.

“Eli,” Victor said, in a shaky breath.

“Tell me to stop,” Eli said.

His fingers pressed the fabric down in Victor’s crack, massaging. He nipped and Victor’s neck and breathed in his neck, hugging Victor to him as if they could become one.

“Tell me to stop and I will.”

And wasn’t that something? Eli, who had fled the first chance he got and now came here with demands, was giving Victor an out. But worse than that, he was giving himself a way out of this situation. Victor didn’t doubt Eli would walk away and never mention whatever was between them again if he said so.

But he was so tired of running around and looking at Eli and wanting things he’d never wanted before. This wasn’t easy, or clean, but it was theirs—messy and sharp—and Victor found out he didn’t want to let go just yet. Not when he’d had a glimpse of all the different monsters the lurked beneath Eli’s façade.

“No,” Victor said, already brushing his lips to Eli’s jaw. “I don’t think I will.”

He felt Eli’s grip tighten on his ass, Eli’s intake of breath at the juncture of Victor’s neck and shoulder, lips gracing the tender skin and sending goosebumps down Victor’s arm. The sick feeling that had persisted in his stomach curling around with a new wave of desire. It wasn’t unlike having too much alcohol, feeling the poisoning being dampened by the warm feeling of nerve endings growing numb.

“Good,” Eli rasped.

One second Victor was caged against the tub, knees threatening to bend, and the next he was pressed against the bathroom sink, looking directly at his reflection on the mirror. He saw Eli on the mirror behind him. His brown eyes had a drunk look to them, never leaving Victor’s in their reflection.

Victor felt the press of Eli’s groin against the wet fabric of his slacks, Eli’s hands quickly unbuttoning them and opening the zipper.

“Eli,” Victor said, looking at him in the mirror, the strange feeling of seeing something foreign in that roman bust face. “Someone could walk in.”

Eli gave him a devilish smile and slipped his hand inside Victor’s boxers, cupping his dick.

“Let them.”

Victor let out a wounded sound, hands gripping the sink. He had to focus on not falling to his knees all of a sudden. Eli started grinding against him at the same rhythm that he touched Victor’s dick.

“Do you like that?” Eli asked. “People walking in on us rutting like dogs in a bathroom?”

Victor closed his eyes at the thought. How could he explain that anyone walking in, seeing how Eli’s attention was so focused on him, how they tuned out everyone else, was exactly what Victor had always wanted. Since that first awkward meeting, spying something underneath the surface of an all-American boy, Victor had had the need to take and hoard and possess.

He wanted Eli for himself, a devotion he’d only dreamed of in the dead of night when his mind reeled, and his heart ached. He wanted to be all Eli had and needed and hoped for. The idea of being everything to someone and having someone be everything with the same fervour and disposition.

But Eli had already fled once, and Victor would never admit to any of those twisted dreams.

“You like to talk too much,” Victor said, pressing himself against Eli. “Why don’t you put your mouth to better use?”

Eli squeezed his hand around Victor, making him grunt.

“Such a greedy thing,” Eli said, biting down on his neck. “You just wanna see on my knees, huh?”

“It’d be good, for a change.”

Eli hummed and tugged at Victor’s slacks to get them past his knees along with his underwear. Victor’s stomach clenched at the chill.

“Bend down, pretty boy.”

He saw Eli’s smirk in the mirror. He felt his heart in his throat. When Victor didn’t react immediately, Eli bit his earlobe and pressed a hand on his lower back, making him bend over the sink, breath creating condensation on the metal faucet.

He felt Eli kneel down and grab at his ass, spreading his cheeks with a firm grip.

“Eli,” Victor said, desperately, suddenly aware of what he planned to do.

He felt Eli’s breath against his entrance. He gripped the sink harder, squeezing his eyes shut.

“Relax,” Eli said. Victor could almost hear the smug smile in his tone. “You’ll love this.”

He didn’t give Victor enough time to wrap his head around the situation before pressing his mouth against Victor’s entrance. He breathed in sharply when Eli stuck his tongue out and lapped at it, teeth pressing dangerously around the puckered hole.

“Fuck,” Victor said.

Eli hummed against him and pressed the tip of his tongue inside him, grabbing his hips firmly when Victor squirmed. Victor could do anything but whine at the assault, arms trembling due to his strong grip on the sink and mind fuzzy with pleasure.

“Eli,” Victor moaned. “ _God_.”

Eli’s hands tightened on his hips, surely leaving marks behind them, before the right one reached in front of Victor and cupped his balls. Eli started moving his kips and tongue like he’d do in a kiss.

“Oh, god,” Victor said, unable to find words. “ _Eli_.”

That last word he practically _keened_. Eli grunted against him and stood up so suddenly that Victor feared he might get dizzy. He was panting against Victor's neck. Eli grabbed Victor's jaw and made him lean back against him, neck arched and exposed.

“You know how good you sound,” Eli said. It wasn't a question. “I bet anyone outside that door would know exactly what we're up to.”

Victor swallowed, looking carefully at the set expression in Eli's face. He was reminded of literature class, the notion of the avenging god, merciless and bloody. He wondered if that was how religious people felt when they feared their god's wrath.

“Open up your mouth, Victor.” Eli pressed his fingers in between Victor's jaws, much like you would with a dog that's chewing something suspicious.

Victor did as he was told, more out of shock than any real obedience. He couldn't take his eyes off Eli's, he was a sight to behold. Victor thought that for the first time he fully understood the meaning of the word “righteous”.

Eli pushed his pointer finger inside Victor's open mouth.

“Suck,” he ordered, voice steady and rumbling in the small bathroom.

Victor inhaled through his nose, closing his lips around Eli's finger. He sucked in his cheeks, lapping tentatively against the pad of the finger. Eli's left hand was still grabbing Victor's jaw, his eyes had left Victor's eyes to focus on his finger disappearing inside Victor's mouth. 

Eli's erection pressed against Victor's lower back, warm and heavy. In the oppressing silence, Victor almost missed the taunts and smirks. This way he feared Eli might just see through and peer at his fears and hopes.

Victor closed his eyes, in a feeble attempt to regain power.

“No,” Eli demanded. “Look at me when I'm inside you.”

Victor whimpered, mourning the loss of that isolating darkness. But when he looked back at the mirror the pells seemed to have dissolved. There was Eli, cruel smirk flashing at Victor, a playful light that he hadn't learned to miss before that moment back in those deep brown eyes.

Eli pushed in his middle finger, too. He pressed them down against Victor's tongue, making a bit of spit roll down the corner of his mouth.

“Good boy,” Eli almost purred. “That's it, use your spit.”

Victor groaned, feeling the desperation of being left unattended. Eli shushed him.

“Eager, are we?” Eli asked. “Can't wait to have my finger back inside you.”

Victor debated trying to talk but decided that the failed attempt would just please Eli more. He just huffed.

“Have you been thinking about it?” Eli kept on. “How you're so eager for me. My fingers. My mouth. Makes you think you're made for me.”

He knew Eli was teasing, but it was too close to Victor's thoughts for him to do anything but keep sucking and hope Eli didn't notice the way his heart almost jumped out of his ribcage.

Eli kept on talking, “pretty boy”, “little slut”, “bratty prince”. Every nickname speaking to a different part of Victor. Every filthy thought burned forever in his mind.

Spit was now dripping down his chin, his dick was aching for attention. He muffled a word through the fingers inside his mouth, eyes hazy and fevered when he looked at his own reflection.

“What was that?” Eli asked before removing his fingers.

“ _Please_.”

Victor could have sworn he felt Eli’s dick twitch. The cocky bastard. Of course he liked that.

“Of course,” Eli said, trailing his wet fingers down Victor’s cheek and jaw, eyes hungry and dark.

He reached back and took something out of his pocket. Victor frowned, confused for a moment before he recognised it.

“You had lube?” he asked, frowning.

Eli just raised his eyebrows, as if it was an obvious thing. Which would have infuriated Victor any time, but he was too far gone now. His whole body ached with a need so primal it took a hold of him. He was drunk on necessity.

“But why did you—?”

Eli shushed him.

“Let me take care of you.”

Eli poured a good amount of lube on his fingers and spread it with his thumb, warming it up. It was the first time his eyes had left Victor completely and he felt their absence like a something carved out of his soul and never put back the same.

He felt Eli’s lubed finger prodding at his hole. Just before pushing in, Eli met his eyes. He pushed his whole finger in, slowly but never faltering, all while looking at Victor’s every reaction. Victor’s stomach grew warm and he was pretty sure his dick was leaking at that point. He let out a pleased sigh when Eli moved it inside him.

Shortly after, Eli added a second finger, spreading Victor with meticulous care. He brushed his prostate here and there, never enough for Victor to lose himself in the feeling. Just enough to keep him _there_.

He pressed the palm of his hand against Victor’s stomach when he pushed in a third finger, making sure he stayed still. Victor didn’t know what to make of the uncomfortable stretch at first, he just focused on his breathing and let his body get used to it.

“You’re doing so good,” Eli said, lips brushing the nape of his neck. “Just like that. Can you imagine what’s gonna be like? Having me pushing into that tight little hole?”

Victor whined, just the thought making his knees weak.

“I bet you’ll feel me all the way up to your throat,” Eli chuckled darkly. “I wonder if you’ll cry at being so full of me, so stretched. So _vulnerable_.”

“Eli,” Victor urged. “Eli, come _on_.”

Eli kept spreading him, adding lube a couple of time, whispering all kinds of filth in Victor’s ear. When he finally pushed in his pinkie finger, Victor’s forehead was sweating, and his legs were about to give out under him. His moans had turned into pleas, and Eli’s hand had pressed gradually with more force on his stomach.

“Soon, Vic,” Eli kept saying, gracing his prostate just barely. “Soon.”

“Please, Eli,” Victor said, squirming. “God. _Please_.”

Eli took his fingers out suddenly, leaving Victor dizzy and adrift. Victor searched for his eyes in the mirror, confusion and hurt battling to gain control. Eli was wiping his fingers on his jeans.

He stepped towards Victor and pulled his boxers and slacks up, buttoning and zipping them with deliberate care.

“What…?” Victor trailed off.

Eli pressed against his back and hugged his midsection. He kissed Victor’s shoulder and looked at him.

“We’re going home.”

The left the party in a haze, Eli telling anyone who came across them that Victor had a little too much to drink. Victor’s legs felt wobbly, and his hands felt numb from gripping desperately at the sink. His blood rang in his ears, tuning out the party and the stupid college students shouting and dancing and throwing up in corners. The only thing he felt was Eli’s hand resting at the small of his back, his thumb tracing small circles.

Eli called a taxi and helped Victor getting in, getting a good squeeze at his ass just before he sat on the backseat. Victor closed his eyes and leaned back, praying that the taxi driver would notice the erection pressing painfully against the front of his slacks. In the shelter of darkness and shadows as the taxi sped through the city streets, Eli’s hand came to rest on Victor thigh.

Victor turned his head and peered at him in the dark, streetlights creating a game of chiaroscuro with the lines and angles of his sculpted face. Eli looked hungry, and desperate, and…open. As if, in the night, where no one would see, were the only chance he got to _be_.

Victor drew in a shaky breath and squeeze Eli’s hand in his, a sudden urge to cry and scream seizing him. He swallowed and closed his eyes shut, but that open look didn’t leave Eli when he looked at him again. Victor felt as if his heart grew three sizes in his chest, suddenly it was hard to breathe.

He laced his fingers with Eli’s. He saw Eli swallow before closing his fingers around Victor’s.

It was all Victor could do not to tear open his chest and offer Eli his bloody heart in a silver platter. It was all they could do without ever saying it out loud. And yet, the feeling of utter understanding dawning on them was so immense, so suffocating a vast, that took up all the space. It swept out the doubts and hurt and things unsaid and made its home inside them, inside Victor, with no intention to leave.

They arrived home after what felt like hours but was probably fifteen minutes at most. They didn’t break their hold on each other’s hand.

The way back to their apartment was quiet and the air charged with intent. With every step, Victor felt lube slicking out of him, making it all sticky and uncomfortable. But every time he grimaced, Eli squeezed his hand and gave him the tiniest smile.

The stumbled in and threw their coats and phones over the nearest surface available.

Victor ended up against the living room wall, Eli’s mouth on his and bodies moving against each other like the ocean waves. There were reverent fingers tracing Victor’s navel and hipbones, making him shiver. Eli took his shirt off, and Victor followed closely, giving himself only a couple of seconds to admire Eli’s built and muscles.

They were a mess of tongues and hands and wandering kisses over tender skin. Victor felt feverish, ready to wake up from a dream. Eli opened his jeans and stepped out, leaving him in his black underwear for Victor to ogle and commit to memory.

Victor did the same, albeit more clumsily. He was well aware of the damp, sticky spot at the back of his dark grey boxers. They looked at each other, admired their bodies and asked questions that would never be answered with their eyes.

Victor didn’t ask about the scars he saw on Eli’s back. Eli didn’t ask about the one Victor had on his thigh from where he’d fallen off a cupboard as a kid, all alone in a big empty house. It had been hours until Victor had gathered the courage to call his usual nanny, seeing that the wound wasn’t going to close or stop bleeding.

The next time they touched, it felt like electricity. They clashed against each other with a ferocity that spoke more about their deepest fears than anything either of them could have said aloud.

Eli led them to his bedroom, fingertips always in contact with Victor’s skin, eyes stealing complicit looks. Victor tugged at Eli’s hand, however, as soon as they were in, pulling him over him on the bed. He felt Eli’s nose behind his ear, and his hand trailing up Victor’s thigh.

“Eli,” Victor whispered, trying to convey the bottomless pit of emotion inside him.

Their eyes met and for a moment he could have sworn he saw fear in Eli’s, just before Eli nodded and pressed their foreheads together. It was ironic, Victor thought, how they understood each other in silence and shadows.

Eli’s finders pressed inside him and worked him up to the stretch he’d managed in that bathroom, moving faster and hitting Victor’s prostate this time. Victor was already clutching the bedsheets and panting when Eli reached for the bedside table and fished out a condom from the drawer and put it on.

“Relax for me, Vic,” Eli whispered, spreading lube on his dick.

Victor exhaled and nodded, so fucking done with the wait and the emotional turmoil. Eli pressed the tip against him, just a bit wider that his fingers stretched inside him. Victor hissed and arched his neck, glaring at the ceiling.

“You’re doing so good, Vic,” Eli encouraged, sliding in very slowly.

He took Victor’s trembling hand in his and kissed Victor’s collarbone.

“Look at me, Vic,” Eli whispered.

This time it wasn’t a command, it was a plea. Victor took in a shaky breath and looked at him. He almost wished he hadn’t. Eli’s eyes, only illuminated by the streetlight coming in through the window, were so full of feeling that Victor felt the need to hide his face.

Eli let go of his hand and reached to cup Victor’s face in it, thumb caressing Victor’s bottom lip. Eli kissed him a second before he bottomed out.

Victor felt so full, so surrounded, like every aspect of him inevitably blended into Eli. Like his whole existence had been poisoned by his presence. Victor let out a tiny whimper, more because of the feeling of losing himself completely than due to any pain.

Eli searched his face, trying to see what was wrong.

“ _Move_ ,” Victor bit out.

And, to his credit, Eli didn’t hesitate to do as he was told. As soon as Eli found the right angle, he hit Victor’s prostate mercilessly. Small sobs escaped Victor with every thrust, every touch of Eli’s fingertips over his ribs and along his thigh.

Eli grabbed the back of Victor’s knee and pushed it up against his chest, making more room for himself. Victor wailed, head thrust back and eyes bulging and the beautiful stretch.

“So beautiful,” Eli said, reverently. “So beautiful for me.”

Victor felt his tears running down his temples before his brain caught up with the situation. His sobs and moans had increased their volume, and Eli’s words of encouragement and praise were now a constant litany against Victor’s temple as Eli thrust home.

Their limbs coiled around each other, their movements desperate and wild. Victor felt his orgasm build in his gut with the inevitability of the tides, something powerful and devastating. Eli must have felt it, too, because his thrusts grew sharper, more precise.

“Come on,” Eli cooed. “Cum for me, Vic.”

Victor wanted to scream that he couldn’t, that he feared that afterwards, there wouldn’t be anything left of him, but Eli never faltered. Victor scratched and Eli’s back and sobbed our incoherent phrases. He must have pleaded, must have begged. But they only thing he remembered was the orgasm washing over him and leaving him drunk on the feeling, dead to the world.

He was faintly aware of Eli moaning to and moving faster as Victor clenched around him like a vice.

When he recovered, Eli was panting against his neck, weight still supported by a trembling arm. Victor grabbed at the nape of his neck and dragged him under with him, placing lazy, open-mouther kisses against his temple and cheeks and eyelids.

Uncertainty crept inside Victor’s chest, recalling what happened the last time. He brushed Eli’s curls back, hoping Eli would open his eyes and _look at him_.

“Come back to me,” Victor said, voice still hoarse and fragile.

Eli grimaced, squeezing his eyes shut. Something sharp pierced Victor’s chest at the sight. But he would be damned if he lost this battle.

Victor kissed his eyelids once more, and then his brow, and jaw, and hairline.

“Come _back_ ,” Victor insisted.

Something in Eli seemed to give out, a wounded sound leaving his mouth as he collapse over Victor and mouther at his neck.

“ _Vic_.”

And Victor knew. He understood. He just combed his fingers through Eli’s hair and held him there against him in his arms, only one word worth speaking.

“ _Stay_.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not beta read. sorry about any typos or mistakes :/

The morning light covered them like a thousand gemstones, making Victor's hair almost ethereal looking. Eerie. Eli wondered if it had always been so white. So pure. So—

Thinking about Victor was never a good idea, it had already led him to perdition.

But perhaps he could give himself this, while Vic was asleep and no one else saw. While no eyes but God’s would see the cracks in Eli or his trembling hands as they hovered over the halo of Vic’s hair, how they longed to touch his sleep-puffed lips and bony shoulders and the knobs of his pine.

Everything about Victor was sharp and prickly at first glance. It was the first thing Eli noticed when they met, like the glint of a knife before it strikes. But as weeks passed and he accepted Eli was there to stay, he started seeing glimpses of another face, here and there. Not necessarily softer, or kinder, or even vulnerable. But something almost fragile.

Victor was a shard of ice, ready to cut but breakable. Biting cold, but melting under someone’s touch. Eli liked the dichotomy, he enjoyed the guessing game. Through trial and error he learned Victor’s tells and triggers. He knew when his parents were on the phone because of Victor’s expression, vacant and devoid of feeling, almost as if he weren’t in his own body. He knew when he was meeting with Angie by the cautiously happy quirk of the left corner of his mouth.

Victor Vale was a dangerous game.

So what did it say about Eli that he wasn’t able to quit?

It had been so easy to ignore the desire to watch Victor when he was distracted, writing a paper or taking notes. Those furtive glances when they shared a room and Victor didn’t bother to go to the bathroom to change clothes. Eli had lain awake some nights in the darkness of that tiny room with single beds, listening to the sounds of Victor while he slept. He had turned around and wished for a bit of light so he could watch the unguarded look on his face, the puff of his cheeks with every breath.

The two-bedroom apartment had solved that problem, mostly. The insistent voice inside him that nagged him to reach out and trace his fingers down Vic’s jaw, or hold him in his arms when his asshole parents were on the phone, became faint. He knew he needed a buffer, so he dated Angie. Brilliant, beautiful Angie. Warm and open and everything not Victor.

But now and again, he’d look at Victor biting the cap of a sharpie or swiping one of his protein bars and be seized by a suffocating feeling of need. Need in the most raw, craving form. He didn’t know how to handle it, he only knew he needed Victor. He wanted to hold him and keep him somewhere he would never want to escape from.

Somewhere safe that wasn't dark and didn't have downward stairs with precarious steps. Somewhere where no one would tell him they saw the devil in his eyes. Somewhere he wouldn't be called deviant, monster, dangerous.

Eli closed his eyes. He inhaled deeply through his nose, holding the air some seconds before exhaling.

The past was a scabbing wound that he couldn't help but prod.

He looked through the window and the city beyond. Merit was prosperous and noisy and, in a way, comforting. He could see himself walking the streets with Victor after a couple of drinks, trying to bite back a laugh when Victor tried explaining some sort of anecdote about Newton when he was in college.

It always came back to him. Vic. His presence so deep inside Eli's mind that he didn't remember a before. He couldn't fathom what life had been like without him always by his side, with witty comebacks and ridiculous hobbies. With fucking polo shirts and the most striking eyes. 

Those eyes that teared up when Eli held him as he came, became hazy and unfocused when he worked him with his fingers while holding him together. Eli had never seen him quite so vulnerable. He wasn't as horrified this time around when he found himself wishing to see it again.

He found himself wanting to see Victor open in every way. He wanted to look at every nook and cranny of him and fill up all the space. He wanted Vic to feel him so deep inside him that they wouldn't be able to tell where one ended and the other began. 

The little kid that died at the top of the basement stairs was demanding when offered a chance to not be alone. Small, banging fists strong enough to keep the ache in Eli's chest.

Eli turned and lay on his side, nose almost gracing Victor's hair. The morning light casted shadows on his face, exaggerating the angles. Eli wanted to cut himself in Victor’s every edge. He’d tried to love more softly, with Angie and the other girls. He’d tried to give them what they looked for in a perfect boyfriend. But Eli’s love had always been desperate, so ferocious sometimes he thought it better not to speak, or move, or touch. Nothing seemed to be enough. No one seemed to be enough.

When he saw Victor wrecked, the marks of Eli’s hands on his hips and the bruises Eli had bitten into soft skin, he had felt somewhat appeased for the first time. He wasn’t sure if it had to do more with Victor’s gender or the fact that he was the only person that could mirror Elii in every possible aspect. But it wasn’t that Victor was his shadow self either, they weren’t completely opposed. It was seeing the parts they lacked, the ones they hid, proudly displayed in the other. It was the way Victor never asked about the scars after years of changing together, and how he always dragged Eli to a bar if he thought he was taking it too far with college.

Victor wasn’t nice, he didn’t even try to be, but he decided to  _ see  _ Eli in the world he tried so hard to ignore. It was more than anyone else had ever done, trying to see past the carefully arranged facade Eli had worked on for years. And there he was, looking right at him even in their first meeting. It shook Eli to the core.

Asleep, Victor looked softer. Not in his feature, exactly, but in the lack of a frown or a clenched jaw. Eli wondered if he looked like this as a kid, as a teen, all puffy lips and stupidly long lashes in a face that demanded attention. Eli risked it and moved an inch closer, nose touching Victor’s cheek. It was ridiculous, the impulse, but he remained still until he knew Victor wouldn’t stirr. Eli’s lips were so close to his skin that it would take no effort to breach the distance and plan a kiss. 

He thought about leaving again, but the memory of all those nights staying up hoping he’d hear Victor opening the front door dissuaded him. Victor had made clear what he wanted Eli to do, and Eli had no illusions about Victor bluffing. This was really it.  _ Come back to me. Stay. _

“Victor,” he whispered through the lump in his throat. “Vic.”

Victor’s brow creased. Eli suppressed a smile. Victor looked at him through lidded eyes, unfocused. He seemed to remember where he was, doing a quick scan of the room before pinning Eli with his gaze. Somehow, buck naked, with bed hair and rosy cheeks, Victor Vale was scarier than usual.

Eli wasn’t sure he could talk so he just closed the distance between them and kissed Victor’s lips, softly at first and deeper once Vic’s hand came to his neck to pull him towards him. They gasped in each other’s mouth, bodies moving instinctively. Eli groaned when Victor fisted his hair, moving his hips a bit desperately. Eli smirked.

“Shut the fuck up,” Victor breathed.

“Make me,” Eli said, without thinking.

In seconds he had Victor’s tongue in his mouth and Victor’s hand pumping his dick. Eli brought his right hand to Vic’s cheek and tried to take control of the kiss, but Victor was determined to keep it messy and quick. Eli bit down on Victor’s lower lip, making him gasp and tighten the grip on his dick.

“Just lay down,” said Victor, trying to push him down on the mattress. 

Eli had other plans.

He turned them around with a movement of his hips and pinned Victor down, grinding down. Victor squinted his eyes, annoyed. Eli touched their noses and bit Vic’s lip again. He wanted to bite, grab, kiss every single inch of Victor’s body. He wanted to possess him wholly, to leave a mark he’d never heal. He wanted to make sure everyone who looked at him would know he was his.

Eli closed his eyes, Victor’s fingers tracing down the lines of his chest. Eli wasn’t sure he could ever give Victor more than this. He wasn’t even sure he wanted more than this. Or, rather, if he wanted people to see it.

“Let me work you up,” he said, voice rougher than he expected.

“And how do you propose to do so,” said Vic, raising an eyebrow.

“Turn around, babe.”

Something crossed Victor’s face, but he turned around quick enough that Eli wasn’t sure about what it could mean.

The expanse of Victor’s back, with its unmarred skin like a waiting canvas, made Eli’s throat close up. He felt like a kid having too many options and wanting to try all. He bit down on the curve of Victor’s neck while his hands opened him up. He touched Victor’s entrance with his thumb and relished the sharp intake of breath he heard. He was sure it was still pink and sensitive from last night and the mere thought made him groan.

Would Victor feel him with every step? Would he wince when they sat in class or the cafeteria?

He pushed his thumb in, holding Victor down. He writhed a bit beneath Eli, hissing out insults. Eli’s dick was hardening at an alarming rate. He tried not to think much about it. How having Victor at his mercy made something intoxicating bloom in his chest and coil around his insides. Something that made him want to tear apart with teeth and claws and smile at the smell of blood.

Victor groaned at the intrusion, huffing in annoyance. Eli shushed him, kissing the skin he had bitten.

“Let me get the lube,” Eli said, nosing behind Victor’s ear in a silent apology.

He got off the bed and reached for the bedside table where he kept a bottle of lube, the other one discarded on the living room floor with their clothes. Eli’s fingers touched something cold. He paused, and smirked. He got it out quickly and hid it under the pillow, lube in his other hand.

He didn’t bother to warm it with his fingers, just sipped his pointer and middle fingers in and watched as Victor’s muscles tensed.

“Fuck you,” Victor said, glaring at him through his eyelashes, cheek pressed against the mattress.

“What was that?” 

Eli moved his fingers with quick precision, not giving Victor a second to get used to the feeling of it. He pressed Vic’s prostate and heard the surprised noise he made, half delight, half dread. Eli pressed harder.

“My little prince has complaints?” Eli whispered in the shell of Victor’s ear. He felt the tremor going down Vic’s spine. “You’ll just have to take it like a good slut, hmm?”

Eli’s left hand was grabbing Victor’s ass for access, and the right one working already on putting a third finger in. He could spy a blush on Victor’s face and neck. He pushed the third finger in.

“ _ Eli _ ,” Victor bit out.

“Silence,” Eli commanded, seeing Victor’s hand grabbing the blankets in a fist. “You’re writhing like a bitch in heat. I bet you’re trying to hump the mattress, hmm?”

Victor buried his face on the mattress and groaned. Eli squinted his eyes, debating whether or not he should fist Victor’s hair and yank so he could see his face. He spread his fingers inside Victor, glancing at the pink puckered hole. Eli had the sudden need to make red and abused, so sensitive that Victor would have to ask for Eli’s help to sit and walk. He wanted Victor to whimper and beg and let Eli ease it all.

Eli added more lube, closing his eyes at the squelching sound mixed with Victor’s little huffs.

“Look how pretty,” Eli said, a bit dazed. “Mine for the take. Are you gonna let me use you like a fucktoy? Like my pretty doll?”

He grabbed Victor’s ass tighter, trying to calm himself. Victor had started rocking back and forth, looking for friction.

“Gonna fuck you into the fucking mattress,” Eli said, making his movements quicker, erratic. “You’re gonna make a mess of my bedsheets, just like you ruined your pants.”

Eli bit Victor’s earlobe.

“Eli,” Victor said. “Fuck me  _ now _ .”

“You want my cock so bad,” Eli said, pleased, while caressing Victor’s walls. “My little cockslut.”

“Shut  _ up _ .”

Eli yanked his fingers out of Victor, hearing the gasp. He used the same hand to coat his dick with lube. He pushed Vic’s knees forward, pushing Vic’s ass in the air. He could see his pretty dick, bounding and red. Eli positioned himself, this time grabbing Vic’s hair and making him arch back with a hiss.

“Feeling bratty, are we?” Eli said, pushing his head in. 

Victor made a choked noise. Eli saw his throat working, his Adam's apple bobbing. Eli leaned down so his mouth was against Vic’s ear, right hand grabbing his hip.

“You better make some noise, then.”

Eli pushed in, observing how Vic opened his mouth in a silent gasp, closing his eyes. Eli thought he saw him mouth a word.

“You can’t even do that,” Eli said softly, before throwing Victor against the bed.

Victor sputtered. Eli thrust out and back in again, this time holding Victor down with a hand on his lower back. Victor grasped at the covers, trying to move against Eli.

“ _ Useless whore _ ,” Eli bit out, slapping Victor’s ass.

The sound echoed in the room. Victor let out a strangled noise. Eli grabbed at his hips and started moving relentlessly, using Victor like he said he would, watching him tremble and grasp for anything in his reach to hold on to. He put more strength behind his thrusts, wishing to see the skin around his dick redden and swell, a litany of  _ mine mine mine mine mine _ inside his head.

“That’s more like it,” he said. “Come on, tell me how much you like my dick inside you. How you like to be split open like a common whore.”

Victor whimpered. Eli smiled.

“You like that, huh? Being called whore and slut and bitch while I’m fucking you.” Eli licked his bottom lip. “You like knowing your place? Under me, open and helpless. I’m gonna fill you up and see it leaking out of you, you’ll be so open you won’t be able to keep it in. I could make you walk and see in running down those thighs.”

Eli groaned, thinking about it. 

“I’m gonna see your little hole gaping when I finish,” Eli said. “Clenching around nothing. Bet you’d want to be like this forever. Speared on my cock with nowhere else to go.”

Victor brought his fist down on bed, his moan muffled against the sheets. With every thrust, he moved a bit forward on the bed. Eli just started moving Victor’s hips back against his dick instead.

“Eli,” Victor groaned. “I want to… I need…”

“Tell me what you need, baby,” Eli cooed.

He saw Victor hide his face on the inside of his elbow, and something about the gesture made Eli soften. He carded his fingers through Victor’s hair and stilled, just feeling the walls around him clench. He moved his hips in circles while watching Victor keen on the bed, trying to push his hips back and forth. Eli grabbed them tighter.

“Tell me, Vic.”

Victor’s breaths were fast and shallow, his mouth agape. Eli wondered if he was drooling on the bed, a sick satisfaction seizing his chest.

“Please,” Victor gasped. “Fuck me.”

Eli hummed, weighing the words in his head.

“I’ll fuck you.” He brushed the hair out of Victor’s eyes. “And I’m gonna cum inside you. And if you’re good, maybe I’ll get  _ you  _ off afterwards.”

Victor started complaining, but Eli had no time for it. He started ramming into that tight little hole, feeling Victor’s dick and balls bob against his. He tried to imagine how Victor was feeling, being dicked down with no guarantee of release and no other choice but to take it. Take him. Opening so beautifully for Eli, his pretty hole almost as red as Eli had hoped for it to be. Almost as tender and used. Eli touched it with his thumb, pressing. Victor hissed.

“Do you think you could take it?” Eli asked, morbidly curious.

How would it feel? The muscle stretched out and taut as a vice in his finger and dick. He pressed the thumb a bit more in between them.

“No,” Victor mouthed. “Eli.  _ No _ .”

He snapped his eyes to Victor’s face. He was glaring. Eli felt incredibly chastised, like a kid found out with his hand inside the cookie jar. He flashed Victor his winning smile, but he only squinted his eyes at him. Eli could almost feel his contempt.

“Sorry,” Eli said.

Victor glared at him a bit more before puffing his cheeks and getting in position again, ready to keep fucking. Something eased in Eli’s chest. He was glad Victor wasn’t looking at him because he was almost certain he would see it.

He had the sudden urge to spank him, to turn him around and fuck into him while looking in those ice blue eyes. To seize back control. To make sure everything was good and fine. But he just caressed Victor’s sides and covered him with his own body, locking their fingers and resting his forehead against the back of Victor’s neck.

The position didn’t give him enough space to maneuver, but he was already so close and Victor’s skin was so warm against his. He could feel every breath and tremor going down Vic’s spine. It was almost too intimate to bear. It didn’t take long for him to finish, mouthing at the back of Victor’s neck in a punched out gasp.

He could have sworn his mind shut down for a minute while he basked in the pleasure. Underneath him, Victor panted and squirmed, humping the mattress under Eli's bulk. 

Eli peppered kisses on his back in an attempt to pacify. He tightened his hold on Victor's hands.

"How does it feel?" Eli asked. "Are you feeling my cum hot inside you?"

He nosed lazily at Victor's neck. Victor whimpered, still humping.

“Shh, I’m gonna take care of you,” Eli said. “I wanna do something. Do you trust me, Vic?”

Victor let out a frustrated sound and turned his head to look at Eli in confusion, pupils blown and eating away the blue. Eli closed his eyes for a second, trying to compose himself.

“Vic.” He combed Victor’s hair out of his face with his fingers.

Eli kissed the corner of his eye and felt Victor’s soft exhale, his eyelids fluttering.

“Vic, do you trust me?”

Victor sighed and whispered:

“Yes.”

Eli brought his hand to Victor’s chin and kissed him deeply, tongues stroking and teeth biting down on lips. He gave him a final peck, wiping with his thumb a bit of saliva.

“Keep your hips up when I get out,” Eli ordered.

“Why?”

Eli brought his mouth to Victor’s ear, lips brushing the skin with every word.

“Because I want to see you,” he said.

Victor shivered.

“Because I want to see you open and stuffed with my cum.”

“ _ Eli _ .”

Eli shushed him, blindingly reaching for what he had hidden under the pillow before. The metal was extremely cold in Eli’s hand. He almost felt bad for not warming it somehow. He had bought the plug the week Victor was gone, sure that he would have another chance to use it. It had felt more like wishful thinking than certainty at the time, but now he was glad he had it.

The mere thought of Victor walking around campus with his cum still inside him, trying to work around the intrusion that kept him open for Eli, made Eli want to fuck him again.

He held the plug while he slid out of Victor, keeping his hips up. Eli couldn’t stop staring. There was a ring of red, the gaping hole contracting on air, as if looking for something to keep in. Eli could see his cum inside, going up up up with every contraction of the muscle.

“Fuck, Vic.”

It was hard to think about what he was supposed to do for a minute, only Victor’s attempt at lowering his hips snapped Eli out of it. It also made him feel less guilty about the temperature of the plug when he rested it against the reddened skin.

“What the fu―”

Eli pushed in the plug, keeping Victor spread with his left hand. Victor hissed, trying to get away from it, but Eli just kept pressing. He watched how the muscle expanded and around the widest part of the toy. He felt tempted to keep it like that, stretched and red and pretty around cold metal. But Victor moved and his hole seemed to swallow the plug.

Eli blinked. He tightened his grip on Victor's ass, gulping.

He watched as some excess of cum slipped past the plug, slowly trailing down. Eli tried not to think about cream and sirup. It wasn't even a conscious choice, getting closer to see it drip and slide, but it was a very much conscious choice when Eli opened up his mouth and licked the cum that was now near Victor's balls.

Victor moaned so loudly Eli thought someone might hear.

Eli kept licking up and up, spreading Victor's ass with both hands and trying to contain the impulse to gorge on what he was presented with. Eli groaned when he felt both the cold end of the plug, and Victor bruning hot against his tongue. His own come tasted a bit bitter in his mouth.

"Fuck, fuck." Victor kept trying to squirm away. " _ Fuck _ ."

"Dirty mouth," Eli said, making a slurping sound when a bit of spit started trailing down his bottom lip.

"Don't fucking talk about dirty," Victor said, bewildered.

"Is it good now, baby?" Eli asked. "You feel fine?"

Victor wiggled his ass a bit, testing the object inside him. Eli almost wished more cum would come out.

"It's… fine."

There was hesitation in Victor's voice, but Eli didn't think he was being dishonest. Eli pressed down on the plug's end, relishing the choked out sound Victor made.

"You promised," Victor said, despearate.

"Hmm?"

"You promised to let me cum."

Eli rubbed his cheek against Victor's ass, kissing his hole before he sat up straight.

"Of course," he cooed. "I wouldn't leave you like this, all desperate and begging."

Victor clenched his fist around the covers.

"But maybe you'd like that," Eli continued. "Maybe you'd like being brought so close and never being able to get what you want. Having to beg for it like a fucking whore.  _ Being at my mercy _ ."

"Eli,  _ please _ ."

"Alright," Eli said. "Not now. Let me help you."

He turned Victor around, face flushed and messy hair sticking in all directions. His pretty cock seemed ready to burst. Eli knew this wouldn't take long.

"Look at me, Vic."

Victor's unfocused eyes locked with his as Eli wrapped his hand around him. Victor licked his bottom lip and then bit down on it. Eli worked on him hard and fast, watching how Victor became despearate and inhibited. So open and vulnerable, just looking for release.

"Come on baby," Eli said, softly.

Victor closed his eyes tight as he came, mouth wide open and head thrown back leaving his neck exposed. Victor had already marks in his snow white skin. Marks Eli left there, purple and red like blooming flowers.

Eli watched him pant and try to recover while he cleaned them both, something like pride in his chest. For what, exactly, he wasn't sure. He wasn't too keen on deciphering it either way.

Victor came back to his senses and stretched out like a cat, all gracefulness and satiation. He looked at Eli's bed table.

" _ Shit _ ," he said, eyes bulging. "We're gonna be late for class."

  
  
  


Victor adjusted his turtleneck, far too aware that if it slipped the tiniest bit, the hickies Eli left would show.

They were finishing their third class already, and Victor felt like he was ready to lay down and die.

Eli had been tormenting him all morning, subtly pressing his thigh against his ass and watching how Victor tried to walk normally around. In their first class, when Victor was leaning over the desk and taking notes just as a distraction, Eli had slipped a clever hand inside Victor's pants and just  _ pressed _ .

Victor had been so stunned that a aoft whimpered had escaped his mouth. It was a good thing professor Marks was being extremely loud so no one would fall asleep.

Eli kept his hand there for the whole hour, intermittently pressing or pulling or turning the thing inside Victor. Victor's fountain pen had left a considerable stain on the page where he had kept it pressed for far too long.

Eli just kept smiling his all-American boy smile and politely answering professor Marks' questions. Victor tried not to break his fountain pen in half.

Their third class finished fifteen minutes earlier because their professor had a conference in another campus. They trailed out of class and strolled through the hallways to the next, calmly for once.

Eli was telling Victor about how they could grab lunch after their fourth and final class when Victor caught a glimpse of red hair.

He didn't have time to prepare before Luke called out to him and jogged towards them with the happiest of smiles.

"Hello there," Luke said, eyes roaming Victor's face and outfit.

"Luke," Victor nodded.

"How come I've never seen you around at this hour?" Luke looked very excited.

Victor bit back a smile at his eagerness.

"Got out early," he said.

"Oh," Luke said. "Well, how's my partner, then?"

Victor raised his eyebrows when Luke gave him a playful punch in the shoulder.

Eli cleared his throat.

"Oh, hi!" Luke greeted.

Eli smiled, not saying a word.

"You're Angie's ex, right?" Luke said.

Something crossed Eli's eyes. Victor thought he might jump and grab Luke's shirt for a second.

"I'm Victor's best friend," Eli said, instead.

Victor pretended not to notice the almost imperceptible pause just before he said "best friend."

"And roommate," Victor added. Might as well.

"That's nice, man." Luke looked at Eli more carefully. "Victor didn't mention you."

"You must not have spent a lot of time around him," Eli said with a warm laugh.

Victor always found it unnerving, how Eli could fake it so well.

Luke frowned but smiled when he sae Eli seemed to be friendly.

"We've only hanged out once for our project," Luke confessed, a light blush covering his cheeks. "But I've already told him I'd like to change that."

Luke turned to him and smiled. Victir had to admit that his freckles were adorable.

"Project first, remember?" Victor said.

Luke nodded.

"Of course, man." He brought his hand to his back, like a kid before the class. "Next Saturday sounds good? To work on the project, I mean."

Victor risked a quick glance at Eli's face. It betrayed nothing. Only the clenched jaw was an indicator that he was annoyed.

"Yeah," Victor said. "Maybe we can finally work on that theory."

"I admit I was a bit distracted last time," Luke said with an easy laugh. "Well, I gotta go. See you around?"

Victor hummed.

"Nice to meet you, man." Luke told Eli, grabbing his shoulder before jogging down the hallway again.

Victor saw Eli stare at the wall before looking at him.

"I know," Victor said, knowing how much Eli didn't like Luke.

"Come here," Eli said, reaching for his arm and dragging him to the closest bathroom.

Victor wasn't fond of causing scenes, so he went with him. It was mercifully empty, but even then Eli pushed Victor inside a stall and slammed the door behind them.

"What are you—?"

Eli ignored him and pressed Victor against the wall, pressing their mouth together, making Victor open his mouth with his thumb and sticking his tongue in. Victor felt hot all over, slumping against the bathroom wall and grabbing the front of Eli's sweatshirt.

Their kiss was messy and wet, so distracting that Victor took his time to notice that Eli was unbuttoning his pants. He unzipped Victor and slipped one hand in, cupping his dick.

Victor gasped, mind already fuzzy. Eli yanked his trousers down to Victor's knees, jerking him off with one hand and pushing and pulling the plug with the other. Victor didn't have time to react or move before they heard the bathroom door open.

Eli stilled, both of them sharing a breath with mouths mid-kiss. It was two guys talking. Eli nuzzled Victor's nose with his and whispered:

"Can you keep quiet?"

"What?" Victor hissed, knowing where this was going.

"We don't have much time," Eli said. "Can you keep it quiet?"

Victor bumped his head against the wall, looking at the vmceiling and wondering how the fuck he had ended up in this situation. But he was so fucking hard, and there was no chance it would magically disappeared before they got to their next class.

Victor sighed and nodded. Eli kissed him softly, at first, and then with such a passion that Victor was sure he'd get dizzy. Eli's hands kept a fast, constant rhythm. Playing with his rim while pumping him like there was no time. And, really, there wasn't. 

Victor made sure his moans and groans died in his throat, but he was sure Eli felt them. Eli's teeth bit at lis lip and then opened Victor's mouth to slip his tongue in again.

The guys outside were still talking.

Victor wondered what would happen if he gave up and started moaning like a whore. Would they stay and enjoy it? Would they hastily get out? The not knowing was what drove Victor mad.

Maybe they'd open the door and watch how Eli played with him. Maybe Eli would spread Victor's ass and make him show the plug he had inside, the one that kept Eli's cum inside him.

Victor grabbed at Eli's hair and yanked, cumming all over his hand.

Eli looked down between them, something hungry in his expression. Victor's knees threatened to give out. He felt wobbly all over. He was sure now that some of Eli's cum had sloshed out of him with all the enthusiastic maneuvering. 

A minute later they heard the guys walk out the bathroom, none the wiser. Eli rested his head on Victor's shoulder, laughing in a low voice.

"Fuck off," Victor said, fighting back a smile.

"Not the fucking we want, is it?" Eli mumbled against the fabric of his turtleneck.

"Shut up."

Eli pinched his side in retaliation and then proceeded to wipe his hand with toilet paper.

"Give me some of that," Victor said.

Eli raised an eyebrow. Victor rolled his eyes.

"I'm  _ leaking _ ."

Eli's head snapped up and they stared at each other. Eli grabbed his very delicate cashmere turtleneck and pulled him into a heated kiss.

"Lean over the toilet," he said. "I'll do it for you."

"Eli—"

"I know. We have class. It's just helping, I promise."

Victor sighed yet again and did as he was told. He leaned over the toilet and Eli spread his legs apart as much as the trousers, still around Victor's knees, let him. 

Eli wiped him with care, caressing Victor's hip, and pulled up both Victor's boxers and trousers. Eli's arms wrapped around his waist and he was suddenly reminded of the previous night, another bathroom.  _ We're going home _ , Eli had said.

Victor blinked rapidly, gulping past the lump in his throat. He put his hands over Eli's, crossed at Victor's stomach. He felt Eli's breath, warm and soft, tickling his neck. 

He allowed himself a couple of seconds more before talking.

"Come on, we're gonna be fucking late."

  
  


The weight of what they had done dawned on Victor as they made their way to class, hurried and keeping the hysterical laughs fighting to escape their chests.

Not only had Eli put a plug on him, he had made sure Victor would not forget about it all day. And as soon as someone else paid attention to him, Eli dragged him to the bathroom and fucked him silly. 

Victor wasn't complaining, but he wasn't going to just lay down and take it. 

They sprinted to class when they saw their professor at the other end of the hallway. When they entered, the only free seats were at the back. This class was rather important, and their professor always talked with a very low volume. So, they were fucked.

They slumped on the chairs and prepared for an hour of straining to hear whatever their professor said. Eli tried to take notes for the first ten minutes, but after the third sentence he had to leave incomplete, he huffed in frustration. Victor placed his hand on Eli’s thigh, trying to pacify him.

Eli snapped his head up and looked at him, and then down at Victor’s hand in his thigh. Maybe Victor should have asked. Maybe Eli wasn’t fond of sudden physical contact. Victor started withdrawing his hand, but Eli held it in his and squeezed one time. He winked at Victor, going back to his attempt at taking notes.

Victor’s hand stayed there over Victor’s thigh, giving gentle squeezes when he saw Eli make a face of sigh. After a while, Victor just leaned back against the back of his chair, his hand moving up Eli’s thigh with the movement.

He felt Eli tense under his hand and heard the deep intake of breath. Now, Victor may blame it on boredom, pettiness, or simple mischief, but when he decided to move his hand next, it was a mix of all three. He slid his hand up Eli’s thigh to his crotch, catching a glimpse of Eli’s stony expression when he cupped his half hard dick through his jeans.

“What are you doing?” Eli whispered, cautiously looking at Victor.

He raised an eyebrow at him, as if to say  _ isn’t it obvious? _

“Victor,” Eli started.

Victor just pressed the palm of his hand against his crotch, tilting his chin in an unspoken challenge. Eli opened his mouth, as if ready to talk, but closed it again. Victor counted it as a small victory.

“Can you keep quiet?” Victor asked.

The same words Eli had used in the bathroom. Eli's gaze narrowed just before then dropping the pen and leaning back on the chair. He canted his hips up against Victor’s hand.

“Go on then,” he mouthed.

Victor never cowered from a challenge.

Their eyes never strayed as Victor carefully unbuttoned and unzipped Eli’s jeans. Their professor’s soft voice was barely audible as Victor took Eli’s dick in his hand. He was warm against Victor’s skin. Eli hummed.

“A bit dry, babe.” He whispered.

Victor didn’t hesitate, he just gathered saliva in his mouth and spit on his hand, wrapping it around Eli again. This time, his breathing had started to quicken. Victor smirked, delighted. There was something so rewarding, watching Eli’s facade crack, watching him slip. Victor was sure he was the only one to see it, and the thought made him feel greedy. It made him want to push Eli every time in search of it.

Eli didn’t take long to grow fully hard, gripping the table’s edge. He looked away from Victor, pretending to pay attention to the lecture. Victor did the same, face unbothered. Only the most imperceptible movement of his left arm could give them away. If someone looked.

The thought of someone looking back and seeing Eli with his dick out and Victor jerking him off was thrilling. The two most brilliant students in their year being caught doing this. He tightened his grip on Eli.

Eli grunted and shifted his hips, trying to fuck Victor’s hand. Victor rubbed his thumb over the tip of his dick, spreading the precum. Eli exhaled slowly. Victor wondered if his chest hurt from swallowing moans, from trying to keep his breathing steady when Victor was sure Eli’s heart was thundering against his ribcage.

Victor quickened the pace, stalking Eli like a hawk. Every flaring of nostrils and clenching of his jaw spurring Victor to make it harder for him. Part of him wanted Eli to fail, wanted everyone to see what their golden boy was up to. But the other part wanted this to be just for him. Just them, lost in their own universe while in a room full of people. Something about it made Victor feel untouchable.

Victor stopped his movements and spoke up.

“Professor?”

Eli scrambled and crossed his ankle over his knee, blocking the view under the table for anyone who might turn to them.

“Yes, Victor?”

“Could you repeat that last part?” Victor asked, feeling the pulsing veins of Eli’s dick in his hand. “I didn’t catch it all the way over here.”

Victor started jerking Eli off again, more slowly. The professor nodded and repeated the concept, gazing occasionally in their direction. Victor could see Eli’s knuckles turning white. He glanced up and caught Eli’s strained smile. Victor paid attention to the last part of the explanation and asked again, some doubt he was sure some of his classmates were interested in clearing up.

Their professor seemed delighted to have Victor engaging with the class for once. Victor never stopped moving his hand. He noticed when Eli went completely rigid and seemed to stop breathing. He spilled over Victor’s hand, his cum hot and thick. Victor pumped him three more times, wanting to get every last drop out.

Other students started coming up with questions, and Victor glanced at Eli. He was glaring. Victor met his gaze, nonchalant, as he brought his cum-covered hand to his mouth and licked it. Eli closed his eyes, taking in a wavering breath. He discreetly tucked himself back in. When he looked again at Victor, he kept lapping at his hand.

He wasn’t the most enthusiastic about the taste, but Victor refused to let it show. Eli followed every stroke of his tongue, eyes darker than ever before. Victor leaned back on his chair and wiped whatever he hadn’t caught on the cashmere sweater. He winked at Eli and went back to trying to catch whatever they were being taught in the lecture.

  
  


Victor’s stomach growled as they filed out of class. Eli has suggested Thai take-out just before they bumped into Luke. He hoped they were going with that.

“Hey,” Eli said.

Victor turned around.

“I need to take something from Lyne’s office,” he told Victor. “Do you mind?”

Victor did mind, he was hungry, but he conceded.

They walked in amiable silence, hands brushing when they walked. Victor wondered if Eli felt the same warmth spreading in his chest. He risked it and grabbed Eli’s hand. Eli glanced at Victor and then at their linked hands. He felt a sick feeling in his stomach when Eli looked around to check if they were alone. They were.

Eli squeezed his hand.

Victor tried not to scream.

All the satisfaction and joy he had gotten from Eli’s reactions in class gone in a second. Funny, Victor thought, how he still had room to feel hurt. Not more than one week ago Eli had left Victor alone in their apartment after their first night together, it wasn’t like Victor had reasons to believe it would all change.

Eli was probably just bored of being single and Victor was oh so ready to play his game. Victor felt cold all over, and yet he felt fire in his throat. It was really hard to keep in that scream. He was glad Eli didn’t look at him, Victor might have broken down.

Eli let his hand go to fish out the keys to the office, and Victor felt a stab of pain in his chest. He felt stupid for ever taking that hand in the first place. He felt stupid for coming here when he was fucking hungry.

He was working up the strength to tell Eli he was going for lunch alone through the burn in his throat but Eli grabbed his hand and dragged him inside the office. He closed the door behind them, locking it.

“What the fu—”

Eli silenced him with a kiss, cupping Victor’s face in his warm hands. Victor still felt his throat closing up, but he couldn’t help but grab Eli’s sweatshirt in a fist. He wanted something to distract him from the hurt. But most worryingly, he wanted Eli. In any way he could, in any way he was allowed to.

Victor felt a kind of frantic desperation, wanting to touch every part of Eli, to kiss every inch of him. He wanted so much and he wanted it now. But Eli didn’t bulge, he kept their kiss steady and slow and deep. His thumbs caressing Victor’s cheeks so tenderly that he wasn’t sure it could be real.

Eli stepped back, guiding Victor toward him and pushed him against the desk. He grabbed Victor’s ass and hauled him up, making him sit on it. Victor felt the plug inside him move in the process, reminding him of its presence.

Victor groaned.

Eli untucked his cashmere turtleneck out of his trousers and brought his hands flush against Victor’s lower back, making him tremble. Victor laughed against Eli’s lips at his own dick getting hard. They were acting like fucking teenagers.

“What?” Eli asked with a wide smile.

“Nothing,” Victor said in a chuckle, shifting.

“I love your laugh.”

Victor huffed.

Eli held his chin and met his eyes before kissing him again, deep and slow. Something eased inside Victor. He circled Eli’s neck with his arms, grunting when Eli started unbuttoning Victor’s trousers.

“You’re fucking insatiable,” Eli said.

“ _ Me? _ ” Victor scoffed. “You’re the one dragging me everywhere.”

Eli let out a laugh and slipped his hand inside Victor’s pants. He moaned and rested his forehead on Eli’s shoulder, basking in the proximity and warmth. Eli took him out of his trousers and stroked him until he was fully hard. Victor kept planting open-mouthed kisses on his neck.

“Lean down,” Eli said nodding towards the table.

“Here?” Victor said, surprised.

“No one will come here.”

Victor opened his mouth to tell Eli that he was talking about the fucking table with paperwork, but something clicked.

“You planned this,” Victor said, accusingly.

Eli shrugged, giving him a crooked smile. Victor stared, not used to seeing anything asymmetrical in Eli. He found out he rather liked it. Ha lay down over the desk, raising his hips so Eli could tug down his trousers and boxers. Victor groaned, the plug driving deeper into him.

Eli watched him hungrily, stroking his dick.

“What you did in class was risky,” he said, narrowing his eyes.

“Oh?” Victor asked, splayed on the table. “Didn’t see you complain.”

Eli’s grip on him tightened. Victor moaned.

“We could have been caught.”

“But we didn’t.”

They looked at each other.

“I’m gonna suck you off,” Eli said. “And then I’m gonna fuck you.”

“That’s a bit impractical,” Victor said, raising his eyebrows.

Eli’s smile turned dark.

“Oh, it’s gonna be hard and fast, baby.”

Eli’s hand snaked down, fingers slipping between Victor’s crack, pressing the plug. Victor hissed, his used hole throbbing in protest.

“You’re already sore, aren’t you?” Eli asked. “I’m gonna cum in you again, and you’re gonna walk around full until we get home.”

He tugged on the plug, stretching Victor’s muscle. Victor let out a whine.

“Yeah, I’m gonna have to apply some balm when we’re home.”

Eli leaned down and put his mouth on him, lips around Victor’s tip and tongue lapping. He took him in slowly, mouth searing hot around Victor. It was almost too much. He thrust up, eager to be all the way inside Eli. 

Eli gagged, glaring at him. Victor couldn’t help but laugh.

“Not as easy as it seems, huh?” He asked.

Eli just held his hips down and started bobbing his head, determined. Victor’s pants quickly turned into moans, which quickly turned into pleas. Eli’s thumbs stroked the sensitive skin of his hips and he kept sucking in his cheeks, making Victor’s mind turn to static. He felt hot all over, ready to combust. He needed to cum, and he needed Eli, and he wanted this never-ending build to dissolve into bliss.

Eli’s tongue played with the underside of him, his lips tight and movements fast and a bit uncoordinated. It was messy and weird and strangely endearing. But it was also fucking hot, to have Eli swallod him whole.

When Victor cummed, Eli gulped greedily, never breaking eye contact. Paying attention to Victor’s every moan and sob. And there was nowhere to hide. In that moment of vulnerability, Eli could probably see Victor’s affection, growing steady and sickening, more like an affliction. He could probably see Victor’s fear, and hurt, and all the screams he ever kept in.

So Victor closed his eyes and hoped Eli wouldn’t see.

They stayed like that for some minutes, catching their breaths. Eli’s forehead was against Victor’s thigh, Victor’s fingers carding through his rich brown curls. The air around them heated and smelling of sex.

Eli raised his head and gave Victor a look, a silent question. Victor winced, but nodded, already knowing what would come. Desire and dread gripping his stomach in a tight fist and Eli carefully, tortuously tugged at the plug. It was a somewhat slow process, letting Victor’s hole get used to the girth of it before getting it out.

Victor moaned as he felt something leaking out slowly. Eli got his dick out and just pushed in, without any warning. Victor choked on his spit, feeling how that morning’s contents sloshed out of him as Eli thrust in.

“Fuck,” Eli moaned.

Victor was sure he was watching what Victor felt. He was probably watching the mess with greedy, darkened eyes. Victor remembered how he had licked his hole that morning, trembling. He wondered if at some point he would stop being surprised at how dirty Eli could be. How controlling and unmerciful one minute and sweet and caring the next.

Eli thrust in again and again, a relentless pace that got punched out moans out of Victor. More cum getting out with each thrust. Victor wondered how much there was, how long until it made a small pool on the desk.

His hole burned, sore and raw with all the use, all of Eli’s attention. He met Eli’s eyes, all the black eating away the brown, face slack in pleasure. The burn didn’t allow Victor to enjoy it fully, and he wondered if this was Eli’s punishment for toying with him in class. That made him smirk through the soreness.

Eli grabbed his hips and fucked into him with abandon, eyes never straying. Victor grabbed the sides of the desk for support, gasping with each snap.

“Eli,” he groaned, forgetting what he was going to say as soon as Eli smiled at him.

As he promised, it was hard and fast, as Victor felt as if leaving his body. All that physical activity making him dizzy on an empty stomach. Eli spilled inside him and he felt it warm. He grunted, suddenly too hot and sweaty. His cashmere turtleneck felt way too damp.

“I need a shower,” Victor complained.

Eli didn’t answer, picking up the plug and pushing it in as soon as he slid out. Victor wanted to laugh at the idea of Eli not wanting to waste the smallest drop of it.

“Shit,” Eli said, frowning.

“What.”

“The papers,” he said. “Fuck, we made a fucking mess.”

Victor snorted, finding it hard to stay serious at Eli’s dismayed expression.

“Really,” Victor deadpanned. “What did you expect, genius.”

Eli sighed and helped Victor stand, putting both of their clothes back into place. Victor was way too tired to think anything of it. 

“I’ll tell him I spilled coffee on them,” he said, grimacing. “I’m gonna have to print them again.”

Victor glanced back, making a face at the damp and sticky papers. He didn’t envy Eli.

“Yeah, that’s not salvageable.”

Suddenly, Victor’s stomach growled, surprising them.

“Huh.”

“Oh, shit.” Eli said. “You haven’t eaten anything yet.”

Victor was about to tell him that he had stolen one of Eli’s protein bars, but thought better of it. He just wanted to get home, shower and eat all he could.

“Come on,” Eli said, kissing Victor’s temple and hugging him to his side. “I’ll order the food while you shower, hmm?”

“Yeah,” he said, resting his head against Eli’s shoulder. “Sounds like a plan.”


End file.
